I’ve been counting down the months, weeks and now days till Rob gets here and we are finally at TWO!!!! I’ve been getting things ready at home like cleaning, grocery shopping and making the reservations… More
Have you ever met someone and felt an instant connection? Have you ever felt it BEFORE you met? I know, crazy right?? But then how do you explain what happened to us?
The old saying “Love will find you when you least expect it” is more true than you think. And it doesn’t float in softly on the breeze…it storms in and screams in your face! It demands you to notice it and respond. It will shake you, it will scare you, it will challenge everything you believe, and it will expect of you. But, when it happens, it will awaken everything in you that you once thought was dead and it will create in you a purpose that you never knew you needed.
So let’s begin at the beginning….back when “Rob&Jen” was just Rob and Jen. I was stuck in a sexless, loveless, miserable, marraige of 16 years with a narcissistic and controlling husband. I had gained so much weight to try to make myself invisible that I was well over 300 lbs (and veeerry visable!). I was basically waiting to die. I had convinced myself that I was unloveable, unwanted and unimportant. You know when you are stuck in a bad situation and you think you’re the only one and no one else could possibly understand you? That’s where I was at.
Fast forward to late summer of 2016. I had joined Instagram earlier in the year for weightloss support when I finally had my “AhHa moment” and began to take my life back. I had connected with a great group of people in similar situations and it really was like my lifeline. And there was one in particular that I was just immediately drawn to. He was handsome, funny as hell, and sweet to me. He didn’t know how broken I was, he just saw this pretty girl and liked her. And oh, did I mention we live 8 hours away?? Yeah, there’s that!!
Well we quickly started “following” each other and exchanging flirty, lighthearted banter. I was so head over heals for him but didn’t know really how he felt. Then came the post no crush wants to see….the “I may be taking a break” post. WHAAAATTT?? OMG, NOOO!! I reached out to him, let him know I was here if he needed a friend. We chatted and he ended up not taking that break (YAAAAY!)
Moving on to October 5, 2016…I was getting ready to take a vacation with my kids and “husband” to Florida that was billed as a reconnection trip. I knew better, I knew then that the only reason I was going was to give my kids a Disney vacation. Sad, I know, but true. Rob messaged me to wish me a safe trip and we ended up having an 8 hour text conversation while I packed! We fell in love around hour 3 (although we both admit we knew we loved each other long before that). So many truths were revealed that night…so many sad similarities regarding our lives and marriages. I had found my soulmate.
My vacation was 11 days long and Rob and I texted almost the entire time! You know that all consuming feeling you get when you are falling in love?? We had that times 10! In fact, day 1 into that trip we told each other we loved each other. And it was the most genuine, true, pure love either of us had ever felt. It’s amazing how transformative love can be.
So…..that’s just the beginning of this incredible story we call our life. This blog is my way of sharing that story, of creating this beautiful narrative of our life to have forever and also showing you all that long distance relationships not only work…but can thrive and be the most amazing love of your life. ❤
I know, I know I’m sucking hard at blogging lately😔🙈 I have no excuse, other than life, but I really want to get back into it so here’s a little “hello” and a quick countdown update.
In 35 more days, almost to the hour since he arrives at 11:30pm and it’s currently 11:12pm, Rob and I will be reunited after 8 VERY LONG MONTHS APART!! I’m so freakin excited just to get to couple with him again!!
I promise to update more, very soon, because there’s lots to share. Hope everyone else is great❤
I’ve been wanting to write this for quite a while now, but I’ve been hesitant. It’s just been a tough subject for me. If I’m being honest with myself, and you, I suppose it’s because it is the ONE THING that keeps those 572 miles between us. THE KIDS.
Recently I did a poll on Instagram asking how many of the ldr couples that follow me have kids…the answer was 2. TWO! Ughhh. This is apparently a unique circumstance that we are in. From just my simple observation I’ve noticed that the majority of LDR couples I’ve come across are young and childless. There are apparently very few of us “older couples” (BLECH😝😝) with children. I did meet a lovely woman that follows me on there…her and her SO both have children. We had a great conversation about the unique circumsrances we find ourselves in and it was really nice to connect with someone with a similar hurdle to cross.
Rob and I are just a few states away, but some couples are an ocean apart. As I struggle with the fear of not being able to convince a judge that moving to another state is in my son’s best interest, there are mothers out there trying to move to a new country. How does this all work? How can we make it happen? What if we get denied?? Then what? I’m just afraid.
Sometimes I get a little jealous of those other couples….they can visit more frequently, they don’t need permission from their ex to travel with or move the child. Not to discount their own struggles they face in closing the distance, but to us it seems easier than what we face.
I have alot of friends, family and even basic strangers that will ask “So are you moving there or will he move here?” Well…..truth is, I just don’t know yet. We’ve talked about it alot of course, but we don’t have any concrete plans yet. Most likely I will move to him. My youngest son lives with me so he would also be moving. Rob’s son lives with his ex-wife, which presents an issue for him to move here….it would be difficult for him to see his boy often. Of course, me moving to him opens up the shitstorm I will likely face from my ex. The good news is I don’t need his permission to move, I just need to prove to the courts that it is in my boy’s best interest.
There’s a big part of me that wants Rob to move here, but I feel so guilty for wishing for that. It would mean he’d have limited visits with his boy and I don’t want to be responsible for that. If he came out here it would have to be his choice, but man I wish that was the case.
The thing is, I just wish we had more of a timeline as to when it was happening. No matter what the plan is, or who will move to who, I really just want a plan of action with dates and steps and all that. Something to wrap my head around so I can feel more in control of this situation. I feel like I can handle anything if I just know. Ya know?? I need something definite to work toward.
If there are any other ldr couples out there with kids I’d love to hear your story! Especially if you’ve already closed the distance because I’d like to get some pointers and hear your experience.
I’ve come to realize over the past year that there are certain things, as part of a long distance couple, that I hate hearing. Sometimes it almost seems that as soon as someone hears you’re in this type of relationship it gives them free reign to offer their unsolicited opinions or advice along with the most ridiculous blanket statements. These almost always come from:
1. People that have never been in an ldr.
2. People you hardly know.
Here are just a few things I don’t want to hear…so if you’re in an ldr I’m sure you can relate. If you’re not then read the following list and commit it to memory so if you ever run across someone that is you can avoid being ‘that guy.’
1. “So and so was in a long distance relationship and it didn’t work.” I do not want to hear how your sister or cousin or neighbor or coworker was in a long distance relationship and it failed. First off, would you ever say that to anyone in a typical relationship?? NO you wouldn’t! So why is it ok to say that to Me? Plenty of people date successfully everyday and plenty don’t…regardless of distance. It’s as if you are assuming we will fail cuz that one couple you knew in college couldnt make it work. It’s rude and insensitive. Don’t be that guy!
2. “Wow, you must really trust your boyfriend” Well, yes as a matter of fact I do really trust him….and he really trusts me! Is that so unusual?? It implies that any couple that isn’t in the same town is going to cheat. Well, guess what? Spouses living in the same house also cheat! Distance isn’t going to make someone cheat on you and close proximity isn’t going to make them faithful. Infidelity is a serious character flaw, not a location issue.
3. “So, when are you going to see him again?” While this seems more innocent, and probably is, I still don’t like hearing it. That’s because, whenever it is that I’m going to see him, it is not soon enough! Believe me, if we have a date set for our next visit everyone will know!!! This question really just makes me sad, especially if the next visit is several months away (like right now.) Some days it’s all I can do to get through the day without crying everytime I think about how badly I want Rob here next to me. To be repeatedly asked about the next time I’ll see him is painful. What’s worse is when I answer with “I’m not sure” or “Not for a few months” and they give you that look of pity. Again….don’t be that guy!
4. “I could never be in a long distance relationship, you’re so strong” Ummmm, no, I’m just in love with my soulmate and that makes all things possible! Don’t make us out to be weird/abnormal/unusual for living this life. What we are is in love, that’s it! Pure and simple we are in love and unfortunately our partner is further away than we want. But not forever! We will close that distance and then we will be normal just like the rest of you!
In an effort to be honest and real and raw…I’m literally in a hot bath crying right now. That’s me^^^ 5 minutes ago as I sat here sobbing. The pain of missing him is more than emotional, it’s a deep physical ache in my bones.
I’m crying because the pain of missing the man I love is too fucking strong right now and I just can’t keep it together. I’m in the bath because it’s the one place I can cry without risk of my kids seeing or hearing me and getting upset.
I don’t know when our next visit is but it’s most likely going to be spring so that means at least 5 or 6 more months. I know neither of us want to wait that long, but sometimes we just don’t get to decide what happens…life and responsibilities and bank balances decide for us.
I wish I could find that magic wand I had as a child so I could make everything the way it should be.
As I mentioned before in another post I’m not able to drive my car right now because I can’t afford my car insurance. For those that don’t know, Michigan has the highest rates in the nation and it’s damn near impossible to afford. So I’m saving and waiting for my bonus at work this month to have the large lump sum for the premium. But in the meantime I still need to get to work, get around town and get my son to school. I even changed locations at work so I could accommodate this situation and work a 32 hour straight shift over the weekend so I have weekdays off. I switched my son’s school as well to be closer to our new home, but it’s a charter school so they do not offer bussing for students.
All I could do was worry and think ‘how am I gonna do this?’ Since I was pulled over and ticketed for no insurance just hours before Rob arrived for his visit, I didn’t want the stress of it to ruin our time together, so I basically put off thinking about it until after he went home. Then I worried!! How can I get my son to school? How will I get to work? How do I get groceries or get around town? I was panicky because I was very much in a do or die situation.
That’s when my sweetheart stepped in with this generous gift!
He surprised me one day while we were talking and said he was online right now looking at bikes for me to be able to get to work! This amazing man of mine stepped in and found a solution for me to get by until I could get my car insurance. I was just blown away….I’ve never had anyone do the things for me that he does. Even 8 hours away he takes care of me and works with me to find solutions and proves everyday that he is the greatest man in the world!! We are a team, we are partners, despite the distance.
Then he surprised me with this backpack that used to be his…because he said I needed it to be able to carry stuff while I’m biking to work. Isn’t he just awesome??! 😁😁
I haven’t been on a bike in over 20 years but I have to say I love it! I’m getting great exercise, I have been riding about 5.5 miles home from work on the days public transit doesn’t run. I also take it on short trips to the market, along with my backpack, if I have to pick up just a couple things. It’s honestly been the best gift I’ve ever received because it was truly from Rob’s heart, given out of love and his desire to care and provide for me. ❤
Ok, obviously I have been slacking big time when it comes to writing and I feel awful because I have so much to tell you and so many pictures to share. So bear with me as I take you back a couple months to when Rob flew out here for his big birthday weekend!
It was end of July, three days after his birthday, when he hopped a plane to come for a few days. We had quite a bit planned for his visit and I was so exited just to be able to hug and kiss and love on him! His flight was to arrive at about 7:20pm and we planned to have me drive to the airport, about an hour away, to pick him up. I wanted to make sure I got there early with plenty of time so I headed out at about 4pm. A couple miles down the road and I get pulled over. Apparently the police can tell if you dont have car insurance just by running your plates 🙈 Since I moved out on my own some things have been a financial struggle and getting car insurance was one of them. I knew I was risking it but I had to drive, right??
Well….long story short I get a $130 ticket and the officer very graciously let me drive away and didn’t impound my car…THANK GOD for small miracles! I texted Rob just as he was almost ready to board and told him the bad news. Do you know how hard it is to rent a car on a Saturday evening last minute?? Anyway, he was able to finally find a semi-affordable car that he could pick up at the airport here. It was a stressful hour dealing with that, but in the end (after lots of waiting and cussing lol) he made it safely to me and all was right in the world again!
I’m not gonna lie, we spent that first night in each other’s arms, in bed, where we belong! There’s nothing an LDR couple wants more than to be able to kiss and hold and be with the one they adore. We made up for a lot of lost time and it was beautiful and perfect. And to be able to fall asleep in his arms again was what I know heaven feels like.
Sunday morning we woke up early to get donuts (it’s kinda our thing) and walk along the river. It was a beautiful sunny day so this was the perfect way to start. Later that morning we drove down to Detroit to Comerica Park for the Tiger’s game. It was my first time at a MLB game and I was so excited to be there with Rob. He had bought the tickets months ago, and as always had found fantastic seats. It was sweltering hot though, so after a couple innings we walked up to the deck and watched a lot of the game from a shady spot.
On the way home we stopped at the grocery store and came home and made zucchini noodles and my homemade meatballs. It was a special request of his that he try them because everytime I make them I send him a pic and he damn near drools over his phone. LOL It was so fun to cook together again and the rest of the night we snuggled, relaxed, watched tv and just enjoyed each other.
The next morning we “slept in” and then hung out and played house for a bit. Rob had bought tickets to the Dropkick Murphy’s and Rancid show so that afternoon we headed out for our first concert together! It was another beautiful sunny day and I was having the best time sharing my sweetie’s two favorite things with him….ballgames and concerts. It was a fantastic show!! Someone dressed in a T-rex costume was in the mosh pit and we got some hilarious video!! Babe did great again with awesome seats!
As we drove home that night it started to hit me that we were winding down our visit and he would be leaving in the morning. His flight was at noon-ish but with traffic and having to get the rental car back by 9am he had to leave at like 7😕 It’s never easy saying goodbye, it sucks hard actually, but I will say this time it was a tiny bit easier than last time. Rob had left me an “open when” letter for me to open after he left and it was incredibly sweet and thoughtful. He knows I struggle with missing him and he always tries to ease that and make me feel better….I love him for that!
Just a short little post to say today marks one year since Rob and I became ‘us’. It’s been an amazing year of huge changes and it really has flown by. I can honestly say it’s been the best year of my life.
I remember October 5, 2016 like it just happened yesterday and I have to say that when I woke up that morning I had no clue how my life was about to change! It was truly meant to be that we would connect the way we did.
Regardless of any challenges we may face as a couple now, or in the future, I know this man has my back 100% and I’ve got his. I can get through anything with him by my side.
So here’s celebrating 1 year, and looking forward to at least another 50 with my soulmate❤
Wow…I am sooo behind on this 😔 Sorry guys, I’ve been a little busy with life and my writing seemed to take a hit. I feel bad about that because writing this blog is really a highlight in my life. I had made reference to this gift in a previous post and said I’d share when it was done. Here it is…better late than never I suppose.
Ok so this isn’t an original idea, of course, many ldr couples have made their version of “Open When” letters. The beauty of this idea though is it is so easy to personalize. Between inside jokes, special memories and unique experiences together it was easy to make this our own.
So first, I started with the idea that it would be his birthday gift. Even though he was flying out for a visit with me a few days after his birthday I wanted to make sure he had a gift on his birthday! Considering neither of us have had our birthdays made a big celebration since we were kids, it was really important for me to make this special….especially since I wasn’t there.
I started this project in May when I came back from my trip out to see him. I needed something to keep my mind focused on the future, to help me get through the lonely times of being away from him. Plus I needed the time to make it just right!
First, I came up with the ideas for the envelopes….each one needed to be Rob-centric meaning it had to be relevant to him and us. I came up with 15 or so ideas, some universal such as “open when you miss me” or “open when you’re mad at me” and others more specific like “open when you have your next Spotted Cow” and “open when you return from your visit to me”. Next, I printed off some pictures that went with some of them and made a list of items to buy to fill the envelopes. I also hand wrote notes, jokes, and inspirational qoutes pertaining to each theme, and even put in some personal items of mine 😏😉
Once those were finished I needed a cute box to hold them. I bought a card box to decorate and some stickers at Hobby Lobby. They had some Michigan and Iowa stickers that were perfect. I cut out our states from a kid’s map and wrapped the top of the box and added plane and heart stickers! I felt like a teenager making it!
When it was finished I mailed it so he’d get it before his big day. There were a couple envelopes he needed to open before he flew out to see me, so it worked out great. We had agreed he’d open it on video chat so I could see his reaction! It was perfect!!! He loved it!
He’s so cute, whenever he opens an envelope he texts a picture of the contents and a sweet note about what’s inside. I love this gift idea so much, because being in a long distance relationship makes it incredibly difficult to properly care for him or do sweet things for him the way I would if I was there…..this bridges that gap.
I’m having one of those days that is almost unbearable because the ache of missing Rob is stronger than usual. It’s one of those days that just seems to drag out forever. Each hour that passes I’m reminded that I’m here and he is there.
I need that to change.
I need for this emptiness in the pit of my stomach to stop existing.
I need for this life we are dreaming about and planning for to just happen already. It’s frustrating to me to have to wait longer when I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life already.
I want us, I need us, I deserve us.
That ache is real and no amount of pills or wine or exercise can dull it. The only thing that cures it is…us.